Ricky Don’t Lose My Number…

This month’s column is dedicated to everyone who is tech savvy.  Sadly, my spouse and I are not in that elite group.  I’m not talking just about cellphones, either.  We struggle on a daily (if not hourly) basis with just about every electronic device.

iPhones, iPads, laptops, Mac desktops, DSLR cameras, GPS devices, and yes, even TV streaming.  You know it and chances are high that we have struggled figuring out what to do with it.

I have issues reading and following directions (I have to watch someone do something and I write down directions in what can only be described as “Pam Speak”. No one else can make rhyme or reason from my scribblings.). I have been building the newspaper for over 37 years now – but don’t ask me to explain the process, because it will make zero sense to you.

I have a habit of hitting the buttons on my Canon DSLR camera and accidentally putting it into self-timer mode.  I did this multiple times last year, including when I was on birding excursions almost 3.5  hours from home.  The first time I did it on the Magee Marsh Boardwalk last Spring during the famous bird migratory season and a young man with a Nikon camera took pity on me and miraculously got the timer mode turned off in less than 3 minutes.  I had been messing the settings for over 45 minutes!  Three months later, I somehow managed to do the same thing again on a 2 mile beach hike on Lake Erie when the actual temperature was 92º.  I was overheated and very cranky.  I sat on a fallen tree log and called my son for advice.  After 25 minutes of fiddling around, I got the $&*%#@! timer turned off.

I had to Google how to get my InDesign toolbar back at the top of my computer screen last night.  Don’t get me started on programming an address into our GPS.

But the piece de resistance of our electronic illiteracy has to be when we dipped our toes in the world of TV program streaming.  Everyone was marveling at how much cheaper and awesome it was over cable and satellite.  We couldn’t get cable up at the Homestead at first and so we decided to be hip and happening – we daringly got a Roku device and signed up for Hulu.  We hated it.  It didn’t help that the internet was nil up here – and it didn’t help that we are steaming noobs.  It was total chaos up here and tons of swearing and remote throwing – all done by Moi.  We had one month of despair until the cable company agreed to extend their area to us.  That day ranked up there in pure happiness along with my wedding day and the birth of my children and grandchildren.  #truestory

So, if you get a weird phone call or a Facetime request from me – don’t panic.  I’ve either hit a wrong button on my phone or I’ve butt dialed you.  And don’t lose my number, because chances are high that I’ve already lost yours – or your email.